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Part X / IX - XVI - Confused, Country Rambling - {T|S}ch['s
 

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gcool06



Joined: 22 Jul 2006
Posts: 132
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:17 am    Post subject: Part X / IX - XVI - Confused, Country Rambling - {T|S}ch['s

"To 'You'"

simply saddened- solemn
somewhat singed- seared
suicidal? helpless? no...
homesick, heartbroken..
hearing and seeing.
things that aren't...
if you saw what i did,
would you want to see
something else that
isn't here? words?
do you think?
do i care?
do you care that
I see things that
aren't here... yET?
things that are
there, just- just
out of reach.
will you hear me
when i speak
spotless, clean, sober
abandoned, anxious-
under the influence
but only of anxiety
caused by what i see
that i can hear
but you can't see
or hear, here
y3T??? i'm home now..
sore, sober, anxious.
only missing home
if you won't come
home.



"Confusion, Yours"

bantering blissfully, blistering
fingers flailing fondly
telling you your blunders
will bite you back
as yours have mine
and as mine have yours
laughing longingly listening
attentively, intentionally
confusing coherently, you-
toward conscious bliss...
does this make any sense??
i hope it doesn't because
it is... is it?? any use to tell you?
this?? you are now confused...
or are you..
this.
is.
it.
confusion.
delusion.
illusion.
infusion.
instruction.
on
confusion
are you?
or am i?
cONfused..
yET???



"Dumping Your Family in Myrtle Beach (at Ripley's Believe it or not)"

you say so clearly you're worried- that i have 'issues'
remember this for a moment and i'll bet you need tissues
a night not long ago to me- a boardwalk, at Myrtle Beach
i can't remember how old, exactly, but the memory's fully in reach
i was young- eric, too, younger- mother, with us; where were you?
a bar? a club? carrying a brown bag? did you wander? where to?
we were at Ripley's, 7:30; you said you would meet us a bit after
every emotion- your feeling right now- does it feel like laughter?
we were terrified, wandering aimlessly, looking for you- did you show?
calling police, family, no car to drive- would you like to know?
how it feels to be abandoned, no help in sight, not even a father
i considered trying to make you remember, but you can't so why bother?
wierd things at Ripley's, believe it or not- did you ever see them?
no you weren't there- you 'stole' a car, left it- a drive to freedom?
free from us? responsibility? in the middle of a good time?
sit down for a moment, read this to yourself, this is MY rhyme
about hopelessness, fear, rejection- expectation, really- feel it?
you tell me i have problems- where did i learn them? this sh**?
feel it yet? emotion? care? publishing as i write- do you care?
you nearly ran down a cop- he found you and WE were there
not you, you were blacked out- emotion, dad, this is IT here
becaues we were with you he let it slide- i slept in sheer fear
wondering why if you left us you wouldn't try it again
thinking 'lock the door' and 'hide the key'- stay please, sleep in
i knew nothing then except that i was scared you would leave us
and never come back- left, stranded- and we'd have to take the bus



"Poplar Springs Hospital + Rehab (Edit #2)"

here- voluntarily committed- involuntary only on the face
unfortunately fascists may make the rules, but just in case...
they have someone else- each other- taking lightly the opportunity
to Care! i know JUST is always now the appropriate routine
locked in this place- together, with brothers- bored only slightly
do i look? act? usually, generally healing feeling reeling from the hype
when they say we are 'suicidal,' is that really, truly, speaking 'rightly'?
nurses distracted by paperwork- doctors never with any 'time'
tornadoes, emotions- all around- no one taking a breath to listen
uninsured, mostly- at least me- all assured their families don't want them
desperate to go home- calling home a dream- i see cheeks glisten
tempers flair- despair, pacing, screaming, begging.. hopeful. ehem...
i hope someone will tell them that so they know someone cares- freely
that the pre-determined paperwork and written course of 'treatment'
are innefectual, forced; forged carefully- false, wasteful 'guarantees'
that all they work for is to get paid- proviDDing intentional uneasement
dodging personal contact, reading 'scripts'- medicating... a killing spree
if you ask me... how do we convince that real, true, Love- apeacemeant
wherever we are all we want to be is us- with someone to listen-comfort, free
if we are ever allowed to be home, with family- 'Medical Diagnoses'? rejectED...
people that work here, those forced here, staff, 'students'- all DO care
if only they, we, all had time to do something other than file paper...



"Falling Down Stairs, Driving us Drunk"

acting finally to correct something learned long ago
lifting the tab, over and over, falling; unconcious, low
leaving your children alone- drunk, dazed, up in your room
after you're drunk enough to fall down the stairs- to your doom
watered down, donning the blank stare- looking confused, acting knowing
all the conversations that never made any sense- now they're flowing
you taught me how to be like this- alone, desperate, doubting all
can you feel it yet? gravity? unsteadiness? i saw you FALL
down stairs, against walls- i was wondering when you would see me
us, eric, your former wife- my mother; i know what it's like to be
like you- emotionless, 'fearless'? pretending your stance doesn't show
less surety, more 'certainty' of your own correctness- oh, to go
back to a way that makes sense to you so you might just let
on that you recognize me as the sone you have- only then i bet
misery, mocking- ticking, tocking- a tournicut (w)rapped around my neck
brother's, too- the 'right' example to get us to our current selves- a wreck?
you scared us all too many times to count- so many times, in fact
on your back, crushing a fan with imbalance- yours- so we act
up, but not really- your blurred vision missing what you're doing
too, to both of us- just like you- you drove her away- so i'm suing
operating under the influence of a bad example- we ask to leave
over to mom's where you drove us away- drunk, unsafe- i plea
get us away from you, but not like this- ring any bells? aNY? yET?
even if i make you feel? show you what you did? you remember it?
oh i bet you don't, dad- blacked out the time we were there
reeling, ranting- nonsensical- our hearts ached, ache- do you care?
goodbye, then, if you wish me to be here.. to get 'psychiatric help'?
everlasting love- drinking from the same bottle, can- there on the shelf
just a little bit longer and i'll be out of here- still your son
racing away to a place where i don't have to be so drunk and dumb



"Employed, Acting [Poor(ly)] Currently"

if i wrote something for you which was easier to understand
just as truthful and loving- still, not like you- just like i've been
would it help you relax or at least convince you to by me stand
to be home with you, mother, help Eric recover- I AM right now so... then?
for me this is it- to write, play music and listen- when you look, what do you see?
do you truly believe i would lie to you or that my destiny is insanity?
i may be 'crazy'- certainly schizophrenic- possibly alien but you are my mother... see?
you said i have willpower- i'm exercising it- i was only drinking for brother
so i could teach him what willpower is- he has a job and could get another
if he wants to, he doesn't have to- i guess i wonder what's the point of money
if all you ever do is wonder where your next dime will come from- missing family
he worries about everything and learned that from you- everyone else
unfortunately missing the point that to make others happy you must like yourself.
my job is lined up- the paychecks' on hold- mother will you let me be your son?
i can help Eric regain his health- what must i prove for you to let me come home?



"Tsch(arna), 'Sista' (Edit #2)" / (T.S. #1)

please don't take offense- we cannot share a kiss
i know you are my 'sista', but really- i am committed
i hope you'll forgive me if i tell you just this
in fact you've made me comfortable, though kiss omitted
don't worry- not about a thing- but please take this poem
i hope you'll forgive me- words are all i have for you, i guess
but you asked for this first- so thanks for helping me home
so don't worry about me or the request- please just rest
ordinarily i write for unusual reasons- lies (instead of Love)...
this isn't the last- we'll both be home- and catch up a bit later
though a kiss will never come, am i still your friend, your brother?
this isn't the end- it's never too late- we'll catch up on the rewind
you say you're from near where i'll be- get home- past the time



"P.P.S. T.S." / "Tsch(arna)'s Number (Edit #2)" / [T.S. #2]

one last poem before i go- i feel home already, so...
leave me your number- i will call you back sister
friend, i AM your brother and me being here a show
committed of my own free will so drugs no longer blister
burn, destroy, decimate, DE-animate- so breathe easily
seldom do you find anything except in the last place you looked
though dragged away twice in handcuffs, i came here freely
only if life is enjoyed will reality ever really be booked
opened, to read- a show to be seen- once we catch up- yours
just as friends- again, i'm your brother- parading- insane tours
one way to go- the direction home- sanity, love and cares
everyone around who's listening and watching wakes up in pairs
self first- help yourself first then help others; all you can
pare down the insanity, turn up the music and make a stand
friends to the end- black, white and all colors in between
you've lent me your number, now just be- when we're free we meet
_________________
their only words- apparently nobody left to dedicate them to, WORLD>

DO YOU READ ME?

MEET E.T.!!!
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